so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
