turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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