Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
