I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
