Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
