and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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