at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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