i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
