I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize