don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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