I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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