mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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