So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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