dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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