My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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