Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
