almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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