Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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