Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
