why didn't you poke me back
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
