you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
