Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
