Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
