He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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