So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
