I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
