By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
