I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
