She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
