I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
