I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
