That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
