either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize