if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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