Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
