I wanna bring you to show and tell
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
