It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
