some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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