How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
