Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
