my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
