So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
