i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize