She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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