I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
