It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
