he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
