Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize