That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
