If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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