ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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