i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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