Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
