Whoa Z and x make the same sound
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
