He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
