just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
