Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
