the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
