# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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