i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
