youre lurking in front of me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
